Jeff Spencer

Archives for February 2017

The High Road

February 28, 2017 by Jeff Spencer Leave a Comment

In the words of founding father Benjamin Franklin,

“…in this world, nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.”

With all due respect to the man who pioneered our understanding of electricity, opened the first public lending library, designed the U.S. Postal Service, made the first lightning rod, and invented bifocal reading glasses, he left something off his short list of certainties.

Other people.

People are life’s greatest conundrum. They bring us happiness and drive us insane. They help us in times of need and hinder us at exactly the wrong moments. And one more thing is certain: at some point in life, we all interact with difficult personalities. Whether at work, play, or at home, some people push our buttons and bring out the worst in us.

We react instinctively. Our lowest self takes over. We get angry, snappy, passive aggressive, or vindictive. Whatever the case, we respond in ways we’re not proud of and certainly don’t want to be known for.

In an ideal world, we want to have civil, honest, and productive conversations about delicate, unavoidable subjects. Things come up. That’s life. Most of us can do it—with people we love and respect.

Challenging, yes. Impossible? No.

What’s tough is when have these conversations with people who get under our skin just by walking in the room. Too often, we cop out. We avoid the conversation, we let them have their way because caving is easier than taking a stand, we sacrifice our needs to keep the peace, or we get emotional and overreact.

None of these strategies work. At best, we kick the can down the road. At worst, we create an unresolved conflict.

Forewarned is Forearmed

In these situations, knowledge is your best friend. If you know you’re going to have a tough talk with someone who makes you crazy, take the following steps beforehand:

  1. Vow not to react to the person.
  2. Listen objectively.
  3. Respond objectively.
  4. Be the person you want to be.

When you focus on substance and not subtext, you break the chains of pre-programmed reactions that don’t serve you. When you value principles over personalities, you find solutions and move forward. When you trust in and act from your higher self, you maintain dignity and retain credibility.

You have the power to guide the situation in any direction you choose.

My advice? Always take the high road.

Filed Under: Pivotal Moments, Success Tagged With: champion, communications, conversations, success, the high road

The Life of the Party

February 14, 2017 by Jeff Spencer Leave a Comment

This Christmas, a friend of mine had a problem: she planned a Christmas Eve soiree, but at the last minute, everything went sideways. She came to me in a state of near-panic. She’d done everything right. She mailed invitations early, planned a creative gourmet spread of food and drink, and knew exactly how she wanted her house to look.

That was the problem: the house.

See, she was moving. Anyone who’s moved house knows it never goes exactly as expected. There are always glitches. She thought she’d planned far enough ahead, but the move got delayed so much that the lovely, comfortable new home she wanted to share with her friends was filled with piles of clothes and stacks of boxes.

She didn’t know what to do. She wanted the party to be special, and she didn’t see how she could pull it off surrounded by unfinished drywall and furniture still covered in plastic. There wasn’t a holiday decoration in sight.

The Person Makes the Place

In this situation, most people either cancel or spend so much energy apologizing—and being grumpy—that they ruin the mood for everyone. They expect the party to be a let-down, they act let-down, and they greet people at the door with a litany of excuses and qualifications. The party turns out bad, and it’s no surprise.

It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I didn’t want my friend to go down that road.

I let her freak out for a minute, then took her by the shoulders and said, “Listen. You could draw a Christmas tree on a piece of paper and put it on the wall and it wouldn’t matter.”

“You think?”

“I know. You want to make the space sacred, right?”

“Absolutely.”

“Then hold it sacred. It’s all about your energy. Your spirit will make the party special, not any external factor. If you act like you’re at the Taj Mahal, your guests will feel like they’re at the Taj Mahal. Just tell everyone the move got delayed, and get on with it.”

“Well…”

“Trust me. We’re coming to see you. You’re going to make the experience, not any tinsel or garland or fancy tablecloth.”

She changed her perspective, and a week later, hosted a magical event with poise, grace, and dignity. It was a hit. Everyone was amazed at her courage, transparency, intent, and honesty. This should be a lesson to us all: when circumstances aren’t ideal for what you’ve planned, it doesn’t matter.

Because at the end of the day, you’re the life of the party.

 

Filed Under: Goals, Pivotal Moments, Success Tagged With: creativity, determination, grace, poise, success

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