Jeff Spencer

Change Yourself: Change Your World

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There’s a popular saying in self-help circles that has made its way to my industry, performance coaching. It’s attributed to Mahatma Gandhi, but I suspect it predates him by centuries. You’ve probably read it before:

Be the change you want to see in the world.

I love this quote. It’s all about personal responsibility, accountability, and minding your side of the street. And although most people don’t read it this way, I think it’s also about not whining: it tells you to not to fuss about circumstances. Instead, get on with the job at hand.

You work on what you can control, and you don’t waste energy on what you can’t control.

There’s a problem here, though: sometimes in order to change your life, you need to change your environment.

In other words, you need to do the opposite of what the Gandhi quote says: to change yourself, you need to change the world.

Environmental Influences

I see it over and over: people want to change. That’s a good thing. But they fail to understand that who they are is a combination of internal and external forces. The don’t realize they’re as much a product of their environment as they are of their vision of themselves and the choices they make.

So they change themselves through sheer force of will, but the change doesn’t stick.

Why?

The answer lies in recent developments in behavioral health: research from the field of addiction and recovery shows that people trying to get sober – i.e. change themselves – must change their peer group and environment if they want to achieve sustained sobriety.

It’s not just supposition: the data prove it.

A Total Renovation

Think about it this way: you developed the things you want to change about yourself in a particular context and specific set of circumstances. The two – your internal state and the external environment – collaborated on creating the you that you want to change.

Therefore, in order to change yourself, you need to change more than just the internal part. You need to change more than just you. You need to change the external part, too – and that includes the people around you.

On your journey to transformation, I say yes, absolutely, change yourself. But for that change to stick, you have to go one step further: you have to surround yourself with people you want to be around and place yourself in environments that represent your future, not your past.

That way, the internal and external landscapes of your life will synchronize. They’ll lift you up, propel you forward, and create the lasting change you truly seek.

Finding the Flow

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Finding the Flow

I recently faced an intriguing dilemma. It was the kind of dilemma I love, because it sat right in my wheelhouse: I had to find that one special something that would give a client the edge he needed to reach the top step of the podium. Not just any podium – he was targeting a National Championship. The biggest event in his life to date. If he won, it would change the course of his life.

He had a great shot at winning, but there was a catch: so did three other guys.
All four athletes had the goods to take gold. All four were blessed with similar levels of ability and talent. All four had a champion’s work ethic. Without that, they wouldn’t have been contenders in the first place.

In this situation, most coaches tell athletes to do what’s obvious. Train harder, drill down on the details, ratchet up the level of commitment, and find that small gain that gives them the competitive edge they need to win.

That was my dilemma.

I knew that’s exactly what they were going to do. I also knew that more training, a more intense attitude, and obsession over details was a recipe for overtraining, burnout, and poor performance. I also knew one more thing: my athlete was at his limit. This kid had already turned himself inside-out physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

The risk of overtraining was clear and present.

My athlete needed something different.

A Creative Solution (Literally)

I remembered something he’d told me early on in our coach-athlete relationship: he’d played the violin pretty seriously up until he was ten years old. He loved it, he was good at it. But he hadn’t played in about ten years. Athletics had taken over his life. I remember the little spark I saw in his eyes when he talked about the violin. For a split second, I saw a carefree and relaxed kid – not a serious and committed athlete.

That, I thought, is what this kid needs.

So instead of adding more intervals, new training techniques, or another wrinkle on visualizing success – I told him to dust off that violin and play a little every day. I told him it would open up that old, creative part of his personality. It would give him that extra bit of natural flow he needed to take gold, with absolutely no risk of overtraining.

He was a little skeptical. But he trusted me, so he did it.

And guess what?

He won.

Don’t Quit Your Day Job

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The 21st century has radically changed the way we live, work, and navigate the path from youth to retirement. More and more often, grown adults find themselves switching professions mid-career. Sometimes this happens out of necessity, and others it happens because people wake up one day, look around, scratch their head, and ask themselves – like the character in the Talking Heads song –

“Well, how did I get here?”

Sometimes the answer is unsatisfying. Sometimes people have no idea how they got there. Things just happened. One life decision led to another, and there they are. The day they ask themselves that question is the day they realize they’re not where they want to be.

Make Big Changes Carefully

Whether you change careers or life circumstances by choice or by necessity, it’s important to do it the right way. I’ve met many people who do it the wrong way – and by that, I mean they do it too quickly. They take a rip-off-the-bandaid approach because they think a clean, sharp break is best, or because they’re seeking instant relief from their immediate circumstances.

That’s not wise.

That approach is almost always based in fear and made on impulse – and one thing adults know is that fear-based, impulsive decisions almost always backfire. Things change for the worse, self-confidence plummets, and then there they are again, wanting desperately to make another change.

Don’t be that person.

If you want to change the default circumstances of your life, do so deliberately. Be careful and smart. Keep your job so you can support your transition. You need that stability. Stability enables you to stay composed, creative, patient, and precise. Keeping your job is not a compromise and it’s not selling yourself short. Nor is it an indication you lack faith in yourself or the opportunities the universe presents: it’s simply prudent.

The Payoff

When the big pros make changes, they don’t chuck everything out the window for fear of missing the moment or losing their place in line. They make a solid plan and create ideal circumstances for a smooth and easy transition to the next chapter. They take it step-by-step. They maintain their confidence, composure, and mature champion’s mindset. They don’t cave to impulse, and neither should you. Be like them: when you want to transform your life, don’t throw it into disarray. Make a practical plan, stay the course, and your changes will stick for good.

But First, Breakfast

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Think big. Don’t sell yourself short. Achieve your wildest dreams by keeping your eyes on the prize, remembering the big picture, and doing something every day that advances your biggest, most important goal.

That’s all easy enough to say.

Then something happens: life.

Life has a way of throwing us curveballs. You cruise along, taking care of business, then one day you wake up and realize you’re at a bottleneck. A simultaneous convergence of practical challenges suddenly changes your Sunday cruise – i.e. your normal life where you handle your daily responsibilities and work towards your big-picture goals – into a chaotic snarl of rush-hour traffic you have no choice but to navigate.

The pressures you face become overwhelming. You’re nearly under water just handling the number of things you need to do every day to keep moving forward. You tell yourself – and the people around you probably say the same thing – to keep your mind focused on that one big goal. Rather than inspiring you, however, something else happens: in light of your immediate challenges, casting your mind ahead to your long-range goal increases stress, ratchets up your anxiety, and you begin to doubt you’ll ever achieve it.

You start to doubt you’ll even make it through the rough patch directly in front of you. Let’s not sugar coat-it. Moments like these can be discouraging.

First Things First

Look at it this way: when you wake up early on a day you know is going to be long, challenging, and filled with a thousand and one tasks, what you’re really looking forward to is that nice dinner at the end of it. Think of that as your big goal. To get there, however, you need to knock down one thing at a time. And the first thing you need to do?

Something simple. Something literally bite-sized.

You need to start with breakfast.

Similarly, when daily life gets crazy stressful and your big goals seem out of reach, shift your mindset. Break your goals down into reasonable chunks. Determine what goals you can manage within the next four weeks and focus on those. Your brain can handle things that look and feel achievable, because they don’t come with the kind of nagging uncertainty that manifests as counterproductive anxiety.

You’ll knock down those achievable goals like ducks in a carnival shooting game. Your confidence and enthusiasm will return, the rough patch will pass, and you’ll be back on track to achieving your bigger goal.

Your Crystal Ball

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We all hear them every day. Little voices inside our head. They remind us things, keep us on track, and help keep the details of life in order. I’m talking about the subtle, random thoughts that come to us while our mind is focused on something else. Not big-picture ideas like today I’m going to finish this project or I need to rethink my business strategy.

I’m talking about the ones that are easy to ignore.

Too easy to ignore.

Sometimes they don’t start as thoughts: they start as feelings. You stop, cock your head, furrow your brow, and think. Words pop into your head: did I pack my toothbrush? Did I remember my car charger? Did I turn off the TV?

Many seem insignificant – that’s why they’re easy to ignore. We disregard a subtle prompt from our subconscious, telling ourselves, it’s so small – don’t bother…I’ve got bigger fish to fry. We go about our day, heedless of the fact the voice we ignored was trying to tell us something important.

Early Warning System

Trust those voices.

You’re in a hurry, pulling out of your driveway a little too fast, trying to make that appointment. The voice says don’t rush – take it easy.

Listen to that voice.

Ease up on the gas. Because the next second a kid appears out of nowhere on a bike, cruising right by the foot of your driveway. If you don’t listen to that voice – disaster.

Then you’re half a mile away from home and the voice says go back and make sure you turned off the stove.

Listen to that voice.

Go back and check your stove.

You’ll be thankful when you get back to your kitchen, see the burner on, and notice the potholder you accidentally left too close starting to singe.

You realize you were probably thirty seconds away from a catastrophic house fire. If you’d ignored your inner voice, you’d still be rushing to your appointment across town while the potholder catches fire and starts a tragic chain of events you could have stopped.

The next time you get that feeling and your self-talk tells you nah, don’t bother, it’s so small – what you should do is stop immediately, hone in on the small thing your self-talk is trying to talk you out of, and do it.

You’ll avoid a lot of preventable problems, and you’ll also learn another important lesson: trust your instincts.

They’re your personal crystal ball.